Amnesty program for Jumpers

What is it that makes people really unhappy with their lives, to the point of suicide? It seems that there is something positive behind that unhappiness. Of course "I know nothing!", and am not qualified to even ask questions about this topic, but I will anyway. Recovering unhappy people and professionals (or the many know-it-alls) would spit at me for talking about it, I feel their spurn. (read no further you-know-who-you-are)

What if there was a safe place a Jumper could go to recycle themselves? "My life is so messed up, I'll take a mulligan." Now just to offend even more organized people, I'll suggest this is what Cults do to recruit people, find someone who has problems or emptiness and give them a place to go. But if you join you become part of their agenda, a wheel in the machine. Could there be some way to create a neutral place to pursue your own life without external influence?

I imagine the things the Jumper is trying to get away from are (in no particular order)

1. Bad Nouns - People, places, and things that are constant reminders of bad stuff that happened in the past.
2. Handcuffs - Rules and Expectations on current and future behavior, imposed due to current situations or relationships.
3. Pains - Emotional and physical pain, perceived as never ending.
4. History - Once written it cannot be changed, no point in trying. Part of this might be crimes or lies that we tell that make life really complicated.

So let's imagine a place the Jumper could go that would help with these things. When they call the hotline they get directions there. Subways would have the locations put up as PSAs (just above the rubber head bumper strip), so commuters can read them, with a beautiful picture and smiling faces.

What would this place look like? Here are some of the things...

1. Friendly volunteers (like the ones that talk to you in the cardiac unit, "I had a 6x bypass 50 years ago, and now have 1000 grand/great grand kids, it will work out for you too.") They would guide you through the process and help you to feel at home.
2. A new home. You would be relocated somewhere new that you had no connections to. Someplace that had nice weather and scenery, suiting your tastes.
3. A new name. After you are born you get a name from your parents or some other equally unqualified person, you don't get to pick it yourself. Same is true here, a computer picks three names for you and you can choose one of them. Guaranteed to be unique within the Program by the way.
4. With money comes many bad things, so you need to either give it all to someone before you go, or donate it to support the "Program", no pressure either way. But you are considered legally dead once you join, so no going back to grab your stash (unless you bury it in a great spot and Leprechauns don't find it).
5. Until machines are smart enough to do everything (and before they get rid of us), there is always a need to do something productive, so you are given the choice of three jobs. If you are not qualified for the one you pick then you can go to school and take an easier job (work-study) until you finish school.
6. Denial of all things past. If someone runs into you and says "Hi Sally", you say, "I'm not Sally, my name is Xena". If they keep bothering you then the program will help you get a restraining order. You would also get new Government issued ID and numbers to prove it to them.

Doesn't this sound familiar (almost)? Sounds to me like a witness relocation program. And why not? Don't we deserve it, why should finks and snitches have a better life, and the Jumpers none?

Maybe we should declare this another inalienable human right, the right to run away and start over. It could be better than bankruptcy. Families could go together if they all wanted it at the same time. Maybe we could try it out, just as a vacation type of thing, a sabbatical, then you would have to go back. A social experiment. Sounds like a 007 mission, but without the license to kill. Also sounds like when kids go away for college by themselves for the first time, but they have to go back for holidays.

When people don't return library books for a long time, there are sometimes amnesty days. You can return the book with no or reduced fine, clear you conscience (and your bookshelf). It's a forgiveness moment. Everybody makes mistakes, why not have a program like this to help people in a legal and well organized way?